Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Bleeding for a Dream

I added the 'Truth Failed' Demo EP to my iPod this morning, haven't listened to it in a long time. I'm still convinced that we could have been an awesome band, one that played great music and had lyrics and content that spoke to what was going on internally in me. Of course, inner turmoil within the band ultimately was what hosed us. None the less, hearing it again feels like a missed opportunity to do something that meant something more than getting up everyday and coasting through the day to day, being. Over the last 6 weeks or so, I've probably started writing at least 12 or 15 new songs and I've been looking for the right people to do this with. My office is full of muscians and although I do everything to keep business and personal seperate, there might end up being some blurring of the lines if the right situation shows itself. I just know there's more to life than simply getting through it and right now I'm just a sideline participant with no voice other than this blog and a few status updates.

Fell asleep on the couch last night about 8:30 and finally hit my own bed solo about 11:30, plus a bean. Got some much needed sleep after a strenuous gutar lesson earlier in the evening. Finally feel like my picking is coming along. Not playing any solo shows anytime soon but if that is the path, so be it.

NonP hit the iTunes store yesterday and I am so stoked for them. There's nothing cooler than seeing your friends faces on a single and getting to hear them and even better, know that anyone in the world connecting to the iTunes store can see and hear them as well. If you're reading this and haven't gone and checked them out after 1 of my 100's of posts about them, please go check them out (www.myspace.com/nonp). Good stuff coming out of Orange County via the PacNW!

So it's Wednesday and I get to be blessed with Jackson the next 2 nights! It's a totaly different world for me when he's not present and although the opprtunity to do stuff for me when he's not there is an option, everyday gets harder. I don't want to turn this post into another display of my depression or sadness or loneliness, but that is what it is, alone. I'm still learning how to deal with my current state and thinking about the road ahead and not knowing what's coming or worse, what's not. I'd be a fool to not spend some time thinking about that though, and preparing for where either road can lead to. Is cautious optimism setting myself up for failure? That's the question I asked the face in the mirror this morning, no answer.

Stay blessed

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