The To Do: list

Well here we are, starting the work week again. It's been a nice few days to get things in line; hang out with my little man, hang with friends, take in some sun, pose for some pics, drink for the sake of drinking and watch the silly fireworks explode for hours all around me. I had a lot of time, as well to think, which can be a double edged sword. Solitary time scares me, alone with my head and my heart in my hands, with nothing but me. Casually that sounds like a great time, a space to be productive and enjoy this life. Reality is, it can be a nightmare. I swear sometimes I think I have some stoner A.D.D. where my brain goes 10,000 miles a minute and I have all these lists made of things to get to, and then I stall. Remain in the same place knowing I should be doing something on a "list". The examples range from simple everyday stuff like emptying the garbage or the dishwasher and rotating laundry to hitting the gym and picking up the phone to touch base with someone. My 'on demand' button was getting the best workout between the two of us.

The weekend came and went faster than I wanted it to, it always seems to work that way when you don't need it to. Spent the day at a small lake in the middle of nowhere, with a name like "Floating Feather" or something like that. Small lakes are always warmer early in the summer and this one was, on the money exactly what I needed. A whole lot of empty cans, some soothing herbs and a BBQ rounded out the day at the lake and a few of us headed back to the booming metropolis of Monroe to watch the fireworks. I'm stoked there's so many stupid people in the world willing to have their homes foreclosed on so that they can blow shit up for everyone's amusement. Personally, if it was my money going up in smoke like that, I'd force people to pay to watch, or make them close their eyes. Gotta pay to play, right? So there we sat, in lawn chairs, in the middle of the road of a cul-de-sac and stared at the sky. Any time a car came through, it was a replay of the street hockey scene from 'Wayne's World', "CAR", "Game On!" It was amusing to say the least, and made me feel 10 years old again. Doesn't everyone want to look at the sky with the same amazement of those years? I can only imagine what went through the head of Jackson as he watched in wonderment with his mom 100 miles away. Is there anything left in the universe that can make me feel that way again, amazed? I'll add that to my list of 'things to amaze me'. Any suggestions, don't hesitate to fire them my way.

That's the abbreviated version today, it was much more in depth and emotional and real than all of this. I'm guarded today and not wanting to keep up with the truth that lives in me through these words. Pain is supposed to be temporary so I know at some point this will be different, today it's not. It just isn't no matter how hard I work at changing that. That's on the list temporarily titled, 'Shit that has to Change'. Thanks to those of you who saw me through this last few days, once again you're my lifeline and rocks.

Stay Blessed