Last night I reread the 2 posts I wrote for my folks birthdays last year, and honestly, cried. My own words made me sit back and think about how terribly I miss them. Distance and time definitely has that impact on me personally, and I’m sure there are many others who are in that same boat. As I read through what I had written, I reminded myself of lessons learned from them over the years, life lessons that needed to be reminded. I am a creature of habit, often times face down in whatever seems to be important to me at the time, rarely looking up or looking back. I have one speed, go, proceeding without caution, full of hopes and dreams. This speed has landed me some wins and losses over the years, which I’d love to convince myself is more on the winning side than the losing but I’d be lying. The truth is, I love and hate when my birthday comes around.
Love: I’m overwhelmed by the amount of love I receive from the greatest extended family a kid like me could ever wish for, whether it’s on Facebook or Twitter, texts, phone calls and cards. It’s a lot to take in and I appreciate every last one of those contacts. It’s a reminder of who exactly I’ve crossed paths with in this short time I’ve spent living life, and reminds me of all the things we’ve done together. It pretty amazing to be honest, and when I think back I’m blown away that most of us are still alive to tell the tales. (Take a second to remember those of our family that aren’t here today, please) For the little amount of time I’ve spent wandering through this life, the sheer volume of time I’ve spent laughing, crying, hugging, dancing, singing, playing, reading, sharing, eating, drinking, wakeboarding, snowboarding, skating, riding, loving with each of you is nothing but overwhelming. I can’t believe I’ve been so blessed to have all of you in my life.
Also, being that 34 years ago I was born this day, 2 years later, on this same day, at the exact same time, 8:06 am, the world, and I, was blessed with my kid brother. He’s been the biggest pain in the ass for 32 years of my life. Always there like a little brother is supposed to be, allowing me to put him in harms way, listening to my every word as if it were gospel. Of course, that only lasted until he was about 5 or 6, and he finally learned better. He used to tell me, “Someday, I’m gonna be bigger than you and I will kick your ass”. I would laugh it off like any big brother should, and suddenly one day, he was. And although we never came down to blows, we had our moments, like brothers do, but I believed he probably could have kicked my ass, and that just couldn’t happen, little brother beating up big brother. Not in my lifetime. Honestly though, we had a pretty rocky relationship through our teen years, neither one of us ever wanting to give up ground to the other. We both played hard and spoke hard to one another. I don’t think it was until I left for college that I really understood how awesome it was having my brother as my brother. He’s probably one of the most talented people I’ve ever been fortunate enough to know, let alone be related to, and there’s not a moment in my entire life that I haven’t been proud of him. Sincerely, my life is astronomically better because he has been consistent in my life; my true partner in crime, my favorite wingman, my biggest fan, my kid brother. Happy birthday scooter. And never forget who your biggest fan is, cause I will kick your ass if you do.
Hate: There is a part of me that digs in and reminds me of how many failures I’ve really had. This year reminds of 34 years worth of them, and hell, there’s a lot. A lot more than I really want to spend time describing or listing out. Enough however, that I’m beyond humbled most days when I’d rather just smile and shrug it off. Often times I catch myself in the middle of venting all of the things that bother me that even I don’t want to hear it. It only further proves how blessed I am to have the friends and people in my life that I do. I doubt if anyone else consistently verbalized all of the failing hopes and irritations like I do, that they would have many people, if any left to pick them up. Me being me however, I can’t stay away from these thoughts. Really, I don’t want to. They are the part of me that brings me back to reality from the cloud of dreams I often day dream inside of. They are the pain that brings beauty to words and music. The are the darkest parts of me that provide me fuel to be better, grow taller, and be a better man. So again, there’s love and hate inside of that “Hate my birthday” thinking.
Not that I want to walk away from this post on a negative, and maybe it’s really not, I beg your pardon for doing so. I can feel myself rambling and in order for me to get out of my office in time to enjoy the Sounders beating up on DC Untied this afternoon, I must get some actual real work done.