Nothing...man

It’s getting closer to the end of my final two weeks at my current J-O-B and this is my final train ride into the city today. It’s been an interesting year to say the least, all sorts of new challenges, new schedules, and people, such different people. I don’t think I’ve ever worked with such a diverse group of people, not even in college. I’ve told this story in person a few times, and may have even written about it here a while ago. I started with this company a year ago this month, quickly getting into the daily train commute and subsequent walk through the city to the giant doors of my building. I think it must have been late October or November one morning, the air was getting colder day by day and the sun wasn’t showing it’s warming face as early as it does in the summer months. The raining season in Seattle approaching, winter was definitely on it’s way in. One morning, as I came down the steps at 1st and Seneca toward the waterfront, I noticed a homeless kid in the alley way on Pike and couldn’t help but think how miserable it has to be the not get inside to the warmth of central air and the access to a hot shower and homemade meal. For a moment, I looked on, grateful that nothing had ever put me in that place, without a home. I continued into the office and sent an email off to a friend who organizes a coat and blanket drive for the Seattle dissidents every winter, to volunteer my time and see if there was anything else I could assist with. Apparently the kid in the alley struck a nerve with me and I wanted to do what I could to possibly make sure more kids like him didn’t freeze in the sunless Pacific Northwest winter. I pressed send on my e-mail, grabbed my coffee cup and headed for the 6th floor kitchen to fill up. As I entered the hallway, the same homeless kid I had seen not 15 min earlier, passed me in the hallway of my office building, smiled and said “good morning”. I paused, momentarily speechless, and watched him walk over to a work station, sit down and log into a computer. Headset put in place over his lengthy dreadlocks, he began taking inbound calls from customers! This wasn’t some kid living on the streets of Seattle, this was a highly technical, very smart engineer who happened to look like a hopeless gypsy! Talk about a wake-up call to perception and a new view on the people I was working around. Yeah, diverse isn’t even the appropriate adjective to describe my fellow co-workers. I’m still searching for the appropriate term here.

As I enter the city for my final 2 days of “work” a few things have been on my mind and there’s a pressure to finish everything I started out to do here, along with some other tasks that do require my touch prior to wrapping up this short chapter of professional life. I always want to make sure to leave a place better than I found it, much like what the forest service asks of you when ever you camp out. I feel like I’ve done that, added some significant value and developed some processes and programs that I can only hope will carry on and continue to grow long after I’m gone. This wasn’t the most efficient shop when I arrived here and in terms of normal business operations, it was far from optimal. I’d like to think I’ve made an impact there, of which I’ll spare those of you who could care less, the details. On the people side, I know there’s been tremendous growth and a change in attitude by those folks who’s job every day consists of being beaten and chewed by angry customers, thinking no one cares about them. These guys have come a long way from the day I came here. When I first arrived on the scene, none of them wanted anything to do with me or my corporate mentality. You would have thought I was wearing trousers or a suit amongst their big city bohemian garb, and because I wasn’t one of them bleeding company colors, it took a long time to gain their trust and their friendship. I'm still probably not everyone's favorite child here, especially since announcing my departure plans, it's gotten very quiet for me. Boredom has hit an all time high but I'm finding plenty of time to do pretty much whatever I want without a looming deadline. Like this blog, I feel like just writing and writing and writing...

On the other personal side of Ryan, I've become a sounding board of advice for quite a few different people lately and honestly, I've missed being the advice man. I think I have some pretty valid insight into all things personal and relationship-y, even if I suck at following my own advice. Like a friend told me last night, who is identical in this situation, asking myself "what I would tell someone in the same situation" and not agreeing with that advice. It's true, and when someone doesn't heed my advice, I get a little sensitive (just a little), so should I be mad at myself for not taking my own two cents? I guess that's where the self deprecation starts and maybe, just maybe, for the first time in my life, I'm listening to my own advice and learning to let go. One breath and one whisper at a time, the days are getting easier but the thoughts of truly moving beyond is keeping me awake at night, less and less of course, but not to a point where a smile is constantly on the verge of my lips. That's a tough pill to swallow, as the friends and family in my life really do deserve to have that guy in the picture, not the one holding onto something that will prolong a life less meaningful. As a hopeless romantic, I know nothing else but to hold on, despite the knowledge that I have to really begin the letting go. I ended a piece the other day saying just that, and I do mean it, but I continue to teeter and sway and don't know what it's going to take to fall off the side. When that time comes, who knows, and really do I care? I want to have as much fun living as possible and enjoy new friendships and old ones that have been missing and see what the road leads to. My eyes are wide as the possibilities are limitless without reigns and I'm stoked about that. I'll just keep going and going and living and I know eventually one door will close and another will open, that's how life works.

Randomness on the playlist this morning, but have been listening to old Candlebox and Alice in Chains a lot lately. Something between the glam rock and darkness is a beauty that we haven't seen in current music outside of some lyrical gems from songwriters like Damian Rice and Pete Yorn. Even in the sunshine of Seattle end of summer season walking through the city, the black difference in my ears keeps my feet moving and reminds me to be thankful for the ability to hear and feel through music. I couldn't imagine a life without it, and I guess I'd honestly not have a life without it.

I just had a tech agent ask me, in total sincerity "what are we supposed to do without you now" and I smiled back and said "exactly what you've been doing, only better". It feels good to know that one of my biggest disbelievers when I arrived, was now a giant fan of mine and was concerned with what happens next. Guess I left my mark on some, may have to punch a couple others as mementos (I kid of course).

Enjoy your Thursday! I am

Stay blessed-