Meet Virginia

Tuesday morning train ride, it's another day. The clouds are rolling in, reminds me of LA in the early summer hours, before the sun comes out to burn off the haze. Our weather has been consistent for once, unlike my moods and emotions. They've been all over the board and it's getting harder everyday to keep in touch with what I am and who I've been and where I'm heading. You can work your ass off day in and day out, try to keep that smile and stay true to what's happening on the inside. I can't live in a lie, and this pretending to be awesome has been taking it's toll on me. That's not to say that I don't have some awesome moments or even days, or that I am not awesome, I know this people. Sunday was an awesome day, residing in a spot that is always comfortable and happy for me, on the water, in a boat with great friends. Not sure why I never pursued sailing or a life out on the open sea. I've often discussed moving away from the states and heading somewhere in Central or South America to just live a simple life in the sun and sand. Costa Rica was one of the first places I ever spent time out of the country where I actually felt like I could be happy there, without the hustle and bustle of shopping and nice cars and luxuries of the home and convenience of fast food. I was sadly disappointed when we pulled into Tamarindo and saw a Pizza Hut and Burger King. Those were two of the last places I ever needed to see in such a beautiful tropic locale. However, there's nothing quite as peaceful as walking out of your cabana with a backpack, bottle of water and a dirt road to the middle of a forest in search of monkeys chillin up in the tree's living their lives. That dirt road was one of the most comfortable walks into nowhere that I've ever experienced, even as the bugs became thicker as the evening air started to cool down, I couldn't have worried about anything at that time in my life. Things were simpler then and I could stomach some of that simplicity right now.

I put Trains self-titled album on the iPhone this morning, it had been a while since I've listened to Pat Monahan and the boys. This is to me, their best work, real music for real people, real stories and real emotions regarding life and love and the insatiable need to just be ok. "I Am" is the track that always comes into my head when the music isn't playing in my ears, it asks the questions that often hit me in the middle of the night when the tears have left my eyes and all that's left is me, in the dark, wondering how I am going to make it to morning. If you're not familiar, please go pick up this album, you will find a way to thank me later.

Let's see, this is the last week before my now 8 month project deploys. There's a lot of last minute things to tie up and some really early hours this weekend to finalize the rollout, and in some ways, as stoked as I will be to finally get this thing out the door, I'm also going to be a little let down that I finally have to give it to the masses to use. It's been my business baby for awhile now, and the fruits of my labor will get to be seen finally, but then it's on to something else, something new and uncomfortable. Something needing my immediate attention, needing me to understand the intricacies and discover what it's made of and then mold it into my requirements. I guess the discovery piece is where we'll become close and gain some understanding of each other and what we can do for one another. A honeymoon stage so to speak, and it's a lot of work to get comfy, a lot of energy to put out. I wish it was something I was already intimately familiar with, like an old lost friend, we already know everything about her. Wonder if I can get that into the RFP process this time around, although something new and undiscovered, unproven is a much more interesting challenge and the fun is always in the hunt. Let's all just hope that the exploration reaps the benefits that a proven application yields. I'm naming the next one "Virginia", she sounds like a cool chick...

"I Am"- Train

I never been on a railroad, as many times as they pass me by
I never crashed in the desert or seen a rodeo
I don't know much about the world wars or Vietnam
I've yet to read about Uncle Tom
Never climbed a real rock or seen Colorado

Am I the son I think I am
Am I the friend I think I am
Am I the man I think I wanna be - hey

I never had a day where money didn't get in my way
I never listened to much Elvis
I can't remember a warm December

Am I the son I think I am
Am I the friend I think I am
Am I the man I think I wanna be

I'm here for my sanity sanity
I am here for you
I'm here for your fantasy sanity, I am here
I am

Am I the son I think I am
Am I the father that I think I am
Am I the man I think I wanna be

I'm here for my sanity sanity I am here for you
Whether or not I'm walkin in
Or whether or not I'm walkin out
I'm always here for you

And I'm here for my sanity sanity
I am here for you
I'm here for my fantasy sanity, I am here
I am

Stay blessed-