In Pieces

Well, I said a lot yesterday in my emotional breakdown and too much pressure welling up inside of me. I had been feeling pretty good up to that point over the past weeks, I guess being human with a heart and feelings, I just couldn't hold it in anymore. Suppose it's a part of me that should be worked out in a therapy session or 5 but ever since my shrink stood me up, I haven't been to counseling and I haven't called to reschedule. Either she didn't think there was enough there to work with continually or she didn't like me enough to continue seeing me. I don't know what the deal is there and I guess at the end of the day, I don't really care. Therapists are like lawyers, they're everywhere, and can be replaced. I'll probably start looking around again next week just so I can work through these feelings and hopefully not hit the implosion point again like yesterday.

There's been some discussion lately of a book deal for me, stemming from this little blog of mine. Aparently, a friend of a friend of a business partner of an aquaintence read some of this, and they like what they read. Kind of cool I guess, an opportunity to see my life unfold in print on a shelf at Barnes and Noble, a chance to share my stories and my insight on parenthood, family and love and loss. I've started working on it, right where everything should naturally start, the middle. I have no clue how to begin the story and where it should end. My life has always been a dialogue of mistakes and choices and stories of fact and fiction, and I've worked dilligently to right the wrongs, make changes that reflect truth instead of a good story, and make myself the best version of me. How much creative liscense should I feel is appropriate? I don't think any but then what if my life isn't interesting enough to get someone to spend twenty bucks to buy a copy? I'm not neccesarily afraid of failing but I'd like a couple shots at just being a writer, no one shot, one kill type situation.

"Minutes to Midnight" on the iPhone this morning. One of my favorite overall albums from Linkin Park, tons of "realness" pouring out of the songs, a genuine heartbreak throughout. One song after another that I connect with, probably the main reason I love this album so much, not to mention that you get Chester singing on almost every song. His side project 'Dead by Sunrise' is sure to be more great vocals from him this October. I'll be in line to pick it up when it hits, you should try it out.

Spent much of last night, following a very long much needed gym session, in multiple text message conversations between about 4 different people. So funny how different conversations start to blend between each other and keeping track of responses between the multiple conversations can get tricky. I will say that I seriously have one of the most killer group of friends, despite the years apart from some of them. One friend I haven't spoken to in over 13 years and you would never know it, we just go on talking like we did many many years ago. Which reminds me, I need to check my AT&T account and see how many text messages I have left on my plan. I'm sure I'm close to running right over the number, and if it keeps up at the pace in which it was last night, I'm gonna need to move to the unlimited text plan. Oh the price we pay to stay connected, it's well worth the money. 2 full days left in the office this week and it's airplane time and tattoo time! Enjoy the Wednesday

Stay blessed-